Sep

13

Noodling, from Scott Brooks

September 13, 2006 |

I have never noodled. However, I possess some qualifications to speak on this subject:

1. I am from Missouri

2. Half my relatives still live in homes with wheels

3. My relatives and friends go noodling

4. I am bi-lingual. I can speak their language. I can speak English and "white trash"

5. I grew up in a WT neighborhood. Basically, I am "escaped white trash"

6. If I had not escaped, I would have been expelled from the WT neighborhood as my IQ is on the wrong side of the bell curve

Therefore, when it comes to noodling, I will say the following:

Snapping turtles.

If that does not get your attention try this:

BIG FREAKIN' SNAPPING TURTLES THE SIZE OF THE HOOD OF A COMPACT CAR THAT DON'T LIKE TO BE DISTURBED AND WILL RETALIATE WITH GREAT PREJUDICE WHEN A FOREIGN OBJECT (YOUR HAND) IS SHOVED INTO THEIR MOUTH WHILE THEY ARE HIDING UNDER A LOG OR IN A HOLE IN THE BANK.

It is like playing Russian Roulette with a much more painful ending. On top of that …

Catfish have big nasty mean spikes on their bodies that hurt real real bad when they stick you. I am not talking about a little pain. I am talking about a pain that will alter how you walk for the next few days.

And while you are at it, lets add alcohol to the mix. It is a necessity. You need something to numb the pain of the having your arm torn up from the elbow down, and to get up the nerve to dive down underwater and swim up into a log or into a hole in the bank (still under water) and stick you arm into a catfishes mouth, grab his gills and then try to pull it out without getting tangled up on something, getting your hand irretrievably stuck in the fish, or having the fish win the battle. Think about it. If you grab a 30 pound catfish, remember, you are in his environment. He is P.O.'d and he is going to try to go deep, while you are trying to get up for air. Many a white trash funeral has as its impetus a dude in a wife beater shirt that lost a battle to a catfish.

But wait … there is more!

Hopefully you will not stumble onto a nest of water moccasins or copperheads. There is nothing that says fun like grabbing onto the gills of a big catfish only to discover that you just stuck your hands into the mouth of a 70 pound snapping turtle that will not let go, while at the same time disturbing a nest of water moccasins, while you struggle to not scream, while trying to get to surface to breath all while being swarmed by snakes …

YEEEEEE HAAAWWWWW. Man that is fun!

And most of the guys who die each year (and there are always some), all die saying those famous last words of all white trash……"Hey everybody, watch this!"

Even Steve Irwin did not noodle!


Comments

Name

Email

Website

Speak your mind

Archives

Resources & Links

Search