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The Collab
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(address is not clickable)The Options Man
(Lyrics by Laurel Kenner based on “Rock Island” from “The Music Man” by Meredith Willson)Singer #1: (slowly, gradually picking up tempo) Puts for the pes-si-mists. Puts for the dooms-day-ists Puts for the black box. Puts for the Gold-man jocks. Puts for the black swan boys. Puts at re-tail for the goys. Puts for the peo-ple who be-lieve the end will come Puts for the trad-ers who think Nied-er-hof-fer’s dumb. Singer #2: (full tempo from here) Look, whadya talk? Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Whada talk? Singer #3: Where d’ya buy ‘em? Singer #2: Whadya talk? Ya can sell, ya can buy. Ya can sell ‘em, you can buy. You can sell sell sell, you can buy, you can buy. You can sell ‘em sell ‘em sell ‘em, You can sell ‘em all you want, but you’ll cer-tain-ly go under. Singer #1: No you won’t, no you won’t, But you got to know the ter-ri-tor-y! Vol vol vol vol vol vol vol, Why it’s the Vol-a-til-i-ty made the Trou-ble, made the trou-ble, a-way back in Nine-ty-Sev-en, When it took Vic-tor Nied-er-hof-fer down the tubes. Singer #2: Yes sir, yes sir. Who but a mad-man’s gon-na use a risk-y strat-eg-y like that a-ny-how? Singer #1: Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Singer #3: Where d’ya buy ‘em? Singer #2: Not the Vol at all, was a bad bet on the tails, on the Black swan tails, at the pres-ent-day tails, at the Pres-ent-day ran-dom black swan tails Singer #1: Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Singer #3: Where d’ya buy ‘em? Singer #1: Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Whadya talk? Singer #3: Where d’ya buy ‘em? Singer #2: Ya can sell, ya can buy. Ya can sell ‘em, you can buy. You can sell sell sell, you can buy, you can buy. You can sell ‘em sell ‘em sell ‘em, You can sell ‘em all you want, but you’ll cer-tain-ly go under. Singer #1: No you won’t, no you won’t, But you got to know the ter-ri-tor-y! Singer #1: Why it’s the Thai-land baht made the Trouble, free fall in the Thai-land baht back in spring of Nine-ty-Seven and that Oc-tob-er, when the U.S. took a tum-ble, well, Some of the boys took Nied-er-hof-fer down. Singer #2: Took him down, took him down. He had been the best around. Singer #1: Made him a post-er boy for risk-y trades, and it changed the ap-proach to sell-ing prem-i-um. Singer #3: No it didn’t, no it didn’t, but you gotta know the ter-ri-tor-y. Singer #2: Down! (pause) Down! (pause) Down with the risk-y trades. Down with sell-ing prem-i-um. Down with the naked puts, Down went Nied-er-hof-fer! Singer #1: Did-ja hear that Nied-er-hof-fer made it back? Singer #2: Back? Singer #1: Back! Singer #2: No! Just a Min-ute, just a min-ute, never Heard that Vict-or Nied-er-hof-fer Made it back. Now, he doesn’t know the ter-ritor-y. Singer #1: Doesn’t know the ter-ri-tor-y? Singer #2: How’d he make it back? Singer #1: Well, he Sold off all his sil-ver, got a mortgage on the home, then he Stud-ied all the num-bers and he start-ed to trade, and he Stud-ied & he trad-ed & he count-ed & he trad-ed, & he Hired a bunch of guys Singer #2: Just a min-ute! Just a min-ute! You say Doc-tor Vic-tor Nied-er-hof-fer made it back? He’s a fake, and he does-n’t know the ter-ri-tor-y! Singer #1: Look, whadya talk? Whadya talk? Whadya talk? He’s an op-tions man. Singer #2: He’s what? He’s what? Singer #1: He’s an op-tions man, and he sells lots of puts to the guys on the Street, and the black swan believers and he trades some futures too. Singer #2: (pause) Well I don’t know much a-bout puts, but I do know that you’ll cer-tain-ly go un-der sell-ing prem-i- um, es-pecial-ly when th’e-con-o-my’s so bad. No, sir! No, sir! Gold stocks, per-haps, and here and there some bonds. Singer #1: No, the fellow’s come back. Waaaay back. I don’t know how he does it, but he trades ‘em when they’re high, and he trades ‘em when they’re low, and When he takes risks, cer-tain-ly boys, what else? The Mar-ket pays him. (rit. poco a poco) Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir. When he takes risks, Cer-tain-ly, boys, what else? The mar-ket pays him. Yes sir! (Slowly) Yes sir! Singer #2: (faster) But he doesn’t know the territory!
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