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True Stories by Steve Keely
Hobo Memoirs

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?


I don’t like jokes. The 500-pound male silverback gorilla should have known that as we locked eyes in what appeared to be a standoff for a harem trade. Mine was five Englishwomen, nubile and giggling behind me, ‘Bo, he likes you.’ I knew better; he liked them. His was three beautiful, of age silverback females scampering up and down nearby trees in the Rwanda jungle. He and I stood staring five yards apart when he began pounding his massive chest.

I’m writing this story as part of the Catman memoirs and yet to finish. In researching the male silverback gorilla now, fifteen years later, on the internet, I find that my competition’s erect penis is two-inches. Maybe everyone knew this.

But maybe not, as the English joke is incorrect:
Two dashing young girls are walking through the London Zoo checking out the animals. They come across the gorillas and the alpha-male has a massive erection. The girls are fascinated by this. They stand and watch for half an hour. One of the girls can't bear it any longer and reaches into the cage to touch the gorilla's penis. The gorilla grabs her, drags her into the cage and mates with her for six hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the girl back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the girl is taken to the hospital. Two days later, her friend visits the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?" "AM I HURT? AM I HURT!!", she shouts, "Wouldn't you be!? He hasn't called, he hasn't sent flowers, he hasn't written ......."

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