(Part 6)
.
I awaken in a dark
tunnel with a light at the end. Memories
flash of the foundry inferno, Amtrak, and my associates trailing from this
pipe. The kiss of sleep for five hours has
cured the exhaustion of two weeks travel.
I feel as healthy as an ape.
Medical wisdom would be revamped if tramps, with their filthy habits and
superb immunity, visited doctors. I
crawl out the pipe into a fresh sunset at
I stride the high
iron- mainline- to find two scruffy tramps drinking like fish under the RR
bridge. They wave me over with a wine
jug. I decline but edge up to chat.
‘What kinda tramp don’t drink?’ the string
bean coaxes as his stubby buddy nods. I
lightly tender that I’m a vacationing sub-teacher not wishing to set a bad
example. Each smoothes
his hair straight away.
‘You’re educated,
can’t fool us,’ says the taller as if deaf. ‘Why the hell ya ridin’ the freights?’ I inform, ‘I like to learn different cultures
to teach my students the real facts of life.’
‘Aw, man,’ Short wines. ‘I’m sorry, mister. I was one of those snot
noses who daydreamed in the back of the room.’
‘Well,’ I request, ‘Do you have a lesson for me to pass to the alert
students?’ Short instructs, ‘Just tell
them, kids do the right thing. They know what that means.’ Tall tutors, ‘An’
listen to your teacher, kids.’
‘Why do you drink?’ I
ask earnestly, to which they sit astonished.
‘Because it’s in the bottle, an’ it makes a hot day waiting for a freight under the bridge go by quick like Norman Rockwell
drew,’ snickers Tall. ‘Aw,’ claims
Short, ‘The booze soothes my working days and cures the wanderlust.’
The duo are drywallers awaiting a
freight down the line to a job in Glenwood Springs. However, the long bottle has priority and
already they’ve passed up a few. They are good men, good and tough, but drunk.
Tipping the jug, Tall argues, ‘Cheap wine is our drink today like common
tramps, but we’re working stiffs who deserve and buy better after each
paycheck.’
Drinking is simply a
way of life along the hard road. A shameful brand of liquor is the traveling
friend of 70% of men on the rail, deserving or not. However, keen ‘bos
pack just one bottle and uncork it only after they have safely boarded and
pulled out in their car. The life span of one bottle in a boxcar is less than
the distance to the next division point, and thus they eschew the foul aspect
of freight hoping under the influence- detraining on the fly. There is one other smart way to blend
freights and booze: Drink, and then sleep the hangover off under a bridge
before the catchout, as this pair alleges they shall
do.
John Steinbeck writes
of paying hobos cash for their real-life stories as the fodder of Grapes of Wrath. Similarly, I oftentimes afford a bottle of
Night Train or other cheap wine to bribe my way into jungles, a ruse that has
never failed to earn yarns without getting knifed.
But I want to leave
the drunks with something special for the day. ‘I follow a personal Golden Line
of Progress through life,’ I tell them.
‘Every hour of every day I like to learn or advance on some front.
Heaven knows I tried being a hobo, living in the jungles and alleys between
rides. But boredom and the Line nipped me onward every time I sat still. For
some inner urge, I must continually advance along this Golden Line through
life.’
‘That’s pretty,’
counters a suddenly sobered Tall. ‘ But ain’t we all- stripped of romance- just men rolling
nowhere?’ I retort, ‘We set our own goals.’ (Secretly, though, I admit their sad note
that home is not a part of many people’s lives.)
Short studies my
boots- scuff and wear- to dig deeper into my being. ‘Say, teach, what you got
on your ankles.’ ‘Ankle weights,’ I
answer. ‘What for?’
‘Makes it harder to walk today but easier tomorrow.’ At that Short snorts,
‘Like drinkin’… makes sense.’
‘Have you seen a
couple of other educated guys with packs?’ I finally inquire. ‘Yep, they
wouldn’t take a drink either,’ grins Tall.
‘They were tough dandies,’ affirms Short. ‘We directed them to the
mission a couple hours ago though it feeds at 7pm, about now.’ I instantly know where to find my partners.
Apple and Pronto
stand near the end of a chain of forty men anchored expectantly to the mission
door. ‘Soup’s on!’ rings Apple spotting
me. ‘Come an’ get it!’ adds Pronto,
diagnostically scanning my frame for signs of health. ‘Let’s eat!’ I enthuse, and the door
unbolts.
‘Follow my cue,’ I tell
the execs for they’ve never taken this first step. We enter and are greeted by a sturdy
gatekeeper with friendly eyes. ‘First
time?’ he asks. ‘Yes,’ we respond. ‘Sign
the register. No need to show ID’s. The sermon begins promptly and supper
after.’
Feed the soul and
then the stomach. This is the hobo
lament through history, but no one has figured a better way to yoke converts.
Tonight, fifty hungry folks in thin, clean threads file and sit patiently on
metal folding chairs in an 80’-square room with a concrete floor and tiny
windows. The speaker, a scrubbed man with a hard jaw, mounts a wood platform in
front of us for the ‘ear pounding’ sermon.
I whisper to my cohorts, ‘The preacher looks like anyone in the audience
which is auspicious.’
‘Folks,’ the man with
the hard chin starts out slow like a train ready to roar. ‘You know me. I’m
Alley Abe.’ A murmur from the corner,
‘You look good shaved, Abe.’ He nods and hollers, ‘Thank you, Jesus!’
‘I hit rock bottom! You saw me puking in the
alleys. I worshiped Satan and the bottle!’
Quietly, ‘And now you
see me sober for the first time in two decades.’
The giddy man
describes Jesus walking on water out of a storm. After that, how easy it was
for Abe to take Jesus’s hand and walk out of alcoholism. Now he is an upright citizen with a job at
the supermarket and a date this Friday.
The speech is
impassioned and, in the call afterward for sinners ‘Who tonight give their
hearts to the Lord and be saved?’ produces one, no two… now three hands thrust
high. A lady sobbing joy and two men
likely in need of clothes vouchers are sided instantly by the sturdy doorman
and his helpers. Each wins a new Bible,
and the laymen lead them with many ‘Bless you, brothers’ into a back room for
secret counsel.
The executives grip
their chairs and sit upright. ‘I’ve never witnessed anything like it,’ erupts Apple. ‘A
five-percent hit rate is very high,’ counts Pronto. ‘Nothing works like a recovered peer,’ I
proffer.
Soon the podium is
wheeled aside and, surprisingly for the first time, warm food wafts on the air
throughout the room. The folding chairs are bellied up to tables slid to the
room center and all sit with renewed vigilance.
I insert between the execs and elbow them. ‘Look around at the people
before you put your faces in the stew.’ It is a typical group of fifty broken
down by these pieces: Short stakers (Itinerant
workers who stay on jobs long enough to amass traveling money)- 20%; Simple
transients (Just passing through)- 20%; Local color (Street people)- 20%;
Welfare and disability cases (Who augment doles with food lines)- 20%; Stew
bums ((Alcoholics and meth freaks)-10%; Working for
Jesus (Mission staff and traveling stiffs who live off the church)-5%; Get into
the world quick kids (Children possessed at an early age of wanderlust)- 3%;
Kings of the road (Train hoppers including the executives.)-2%.
We’re seated across
from a husband-wife couple of Short stakers, the
brawn and brains respectively. ‘I’ll
stay in
Supper is
undecipherable but no one complains and I go back for seconds. Apple, used to
better, chews slowly, peeps frequently under the toast, and whispers, ‘The
chunks in the gravy are green and smell like yesterday.’ Pronto masticates with a fixed grin, ‘It’s
been soup and hardy toast.’
Both executives scope
the room and catch bits of conversation while discounting the food. Apple
appears to be trying to figure out based on the facts before him, what to do
with his own wild and precious life. He
finishes the Sh__ on Shingle and rises to clean up at
the far counter at three bins labeled: ‘#1 Cutlery, #2 Cup, #3… Crash!
Plates and pieces fly everywhere. Everyone in the room swivels to see a
red Apple balanced on one foot reaching out to steady the top plate of a stack
of fifty leaning like
Finally, he
stabilizes the column and turns to face the strangers. The nail that sticks out
is usually hammered down, but not this one. He coolly states, ‘I simply put my
plate on top and they all began falling. I’ll be happy to replace the broken
ones. Is there a mop in the house?’ The
big doorkeeper giggles and brushes Apple aside.
‘Don’t worry about it, son,’ he bolsters. ‘It’s not the first time it’s
happened.’ Big Apple owns an inner calm,
‘Calm as virtue,’ Shakespeare wrote. And
he did clean up.
The doorkeeper glows
at our leave and asks if we got enough.
Pronto smacks his lips, ‘It’s horsehide and
liver pieces, tasty!’
The streets outside
the mission all the way to the railroad bridge glisten with a fresh rain. I request the execs’ reactions to their first
mission visit. Apple bids, ‘I felt fine with
the people in consideration of the past days on the rails and cardboard. It was
fascinating to hear a former Satanist speak of Christianity, but I have issues
with the Judeo-Christian theory. It brought a bit of joy to them and, for many,
takes them off the streets into self-respect so it helps the community for
life. The meal was hardy though I was
disappointed they thought me clumsily. I was surprised no one knocked you at
the sermon for holding the Holy Book upside-down, Doc.’
Pronto appends, ‘I felt
comfortable with the people though I haven’t struggled enough to call them
peers. They’re all there for reasons they know, and understand the drill. I admire the mission exuberance and there are
lessons in overall efficiency to take home to my business.’
I summarize, ‘The
sermon is a prime example of the church’s freedom of speech and acumen to coax
a man to give up the street and bottle for the church and Bible. The sword is
double edged, though. Several ‘mission stiffs’ travel the circuit and stand up
at sermon last calls to wash clean their souls by accepting a viewpoint. In exchange for their false promises, they
get four days of food and lodging as a free step toward the better life, plus a
Bible. I side with the ancient train
hopper who said, ‘There ain’t no pie in he sky’, though the most convincing
sermons in the world are heard at missions and the food is never bad for a
tramp’s soul and stomach that always seem empty.’
The execs are anxious
to swing back onto the freights. ‘The Amtrak ride was a nice break, but sitting inside a
bubble without the wind, smells and noise gets tedious. The freight is the only
way to go,’ contends Apple. Pronto
concurs, ‘I like the greater freedom of movement of the freight versus a
passenger train, better view, and I can pee into a Gatorade bottle.’
A splendid rainbow
rises over the track in the east, our portal to the
Yet it galls me after
a short discussion that they decide to await a freight
under this bridge. I rise tall to
expound the options: ‘Quickly, pick the best answer and let’s move in that
direction.’ I insist that camping here
calls for all-night rotating watches if a freight
sneaks up during sleep. Or, if one cannonballs out the yard, there will be one
scant minute to select a ride and get on.
In contrast, we can now creep deeper from the bridge into the yard to
kip in an empty car next to the main, or right onto the Amtrak platform as
sleeping actors for the morning passenger train.
They frown at me at
sunset. This rustic bridge is truly beguiling with old monikers tagging the
abutments- Slow Motion Shorty, Boxcar Maniac,
‘You guys decide,’ I
ultimately tell them and stand at wait.
The execs are
champion problem solvers in a maze of new territory- the rails- and seem drunk
on hobo nostalgia. Apple speaks first,
‘I say wait here under the dry bridge so nobody bothers us, there’s cardboard
to sleep on, the units will head up near the bridge, and we’ll hear them in
time to board.’ Pronto nods
heartily. They also figure on no night
watch, so we three fall to the ground and- no hard traveling tramp requires
longer- sleep in a minute.
Hours later, the
worst scenario unfolds. Late in the
night, the ground shakes and there’s thunder under the bridge. I leap up next to four smoking engines
rolling past. The others are up too
dancing in the reflected headlights. ‘Tramps!’ I
scream, ‘Let’s get on.’
There’s this slim
chance if the freight departs slowly- unlikely with the four units blowing
hard. The businessmen had taken off their boots against my advice, and now
struggle to lace them up. In this golden minute, I watch car-after-car tumble
by looking for the right one to board.
My partners, shirttails a-hanging, soon join me at the 15mph steel
filament… too fast. Our curses are drowned under the bridge clamor.
I scold them after
the last car, ‘You seem to have forgotten the Colorado deadlines, falling
asleep on watch, the dangers of boarding on the fly, and an otherwise sure ride
from the Amtrak platform in picking this cute spot to flop. Now look at us staring at the damn blinking
FRED shrinking down the track.’ (Or, maybe I harbor, they’re concerned with
their Mensa scoutmaster’s health and the group need
for a night’s sleep.)
Still they cavort
like keystone cops under the bridge, so I sit with my back to them. Abruptly,
there’s a bellow behind my ears ‘Mooo..’ but it’s only Pronto.
Apple hits me on the head with cardboard. ‘A tough lesson is not repeated,’ they
conciliate. ‘Let’s go to the platform.’
We stomp out the
bridge to reach the Amtrak ramp and plunk down between a hurricane fence and
the high iron. This is a strategic spot
under a clear night sky to sleep in wait of a through freight to change crew
and board. Out with the cardboard, unroll the bags, and the triad lays on the
cushioned cement in harmony.
Maybe out of a
punitive dream, hours later, I awaken and lie in the black considering our
plight. The exec tramps are still green,
mistake prone, and need dress rehearsal. We must catch the next freight or miss
our deadlines. ‘Pronto!’ I prod the sleeping bagpipe
player. ‘Let’s go inside the yard to learn how it works.’ He jumps up at once.
‘Freight jumping
begins before you’re aboard,’ I tell him inside the main yard that’s as quiet
as an operating room between emergencies.
We identify and climb on various parked freight cars, step up and down ladders
for the muscle memory, observe mock ‘silent rollers’- car strings sliding
silently without engines- play cat-and-mouse with mock bulls, and ask one live
yardman for train info to no avail.
On the return an hour
later to the platform, I ask the final exam question. ‘What are the four
dangers to watch for inside the yard?’ ‘Thugs, silent rollers, bumped strings, and the bull,’ he answers,
adding, ‘And your own stupidity.’
‘How do you know that?’ I ask. ‘I
read it in your Hobo Training Manual.’ ‘You’re graduated, I praise. ‘Get some
shuteye.’
I nudge a cold
trembling Apple sleeping on the cardboard.
‘Let’s go learn about freights.’
He rises eagerly. At twenty-five, he’s an empty page struggling hard to
be filled. My main concern is not his athleticism but naivety. His groundwork Emails for this trip were
speckled with inquiries like, ‘What should I do if I’m running in
Tower lamps fling
yellow funnels onto the grit and a dozen black irons that we hop across to a
derelict string of flatcars, and stop. ‘Let’s pretend,’ I prompt. ‘These cars
are moving and you are going to ‘flip’, get on one. First, check the forward
ballast for rough spots and signals. Next, here comes your flatcar at 5mph. Then,
focus on the ladder at the car front; not the rear ladder where the
cookie-cutter wheels trail. Don’t board if you’re drunk. Don’t be enticed by a
ladder traveling faster than a trot- there are enough variables without
throwing in speed. Now, climb aboard. He
does with alacrity, and replies ‘I understand. ‘You are saying favorable traits
are preserved on the rails via burying of the less fit under the wheels.’ After that statement I worry less. Nonetheless, he insists we drill ten times
more running alongside the car, looking, hooking, and stepping on.
There are a hundred
other little hobo tricks that I pass along during our hour inside the yard:
Look both way at rails, monkey over cars, don’t touch seals on boxcars or
containers, don’t step on couples, listen for bumped cars, avoid trips through
the hump yard, keep the radios muted, stay focused always, keep in shadows or
along strings, stay focused always, be alert for bulls and rattlesnakes, and
have a good story ready if tagged.
Nothing has moved the
whole time inside the yard except grazing bats, cricket legs and our own
hard-working minds. Apple gushes, ‘I had no idea it was so complex, and yet so
simple when approached systematically. I feel a lot better knowing what’s
ahead.’ We retreat to the platform to
sleep, perchance to dream.
It seems like my head
just hit the cement platform when there sounds, ‘Cock-a-doodle…DOO!' I poke my nose out to see Pronto standing
over my sleeping bag facing the rising sun with head thrust back.
‘Donut?’ offers
Apple, opening a sack. ‘Coffee?’ Pronto extends a
steaming cup. My associates look eager-eyed to taste the rails. ‘Sinkers!’ I insist,
taking one and the coffee. ‘Bo’s call these ‘sinkers’ and ‘mud’. The hooked duo
has visited Starbucks this morning.
Pronto asks if
everyone is finished with the Wall Street
Journal he has tucked tightly under his wing. Then he greedily stuffs it into his pack
citing a hard lesson learned in the cold night before. ‘Tonight will be different in the
Cleverly showing
tough guys don’t complain but get resourceful, Apple pulls out a needle and
thread to stitch cardboard pads inside his britches seat. ‘This replaces the need to search constantly
for cardboard,’ he avers.
Next, Apple studies
Pronto dry shaving and reddens, waits and asks, ‘Does
it hurt?’ ‘Nah, you get used to it. I
don’t use antiseptic either. Want to try?’
‘No,’ he pats a week-old shadow on his chin. ‘I started it in
Apple- ever-ready-
and Pronto- steady and experienced- are fast forming a bond based, oddly
enough, on Arabic Music. Apple lived his
early childhood in the Middle East, whereas Pronto grew up milking cows and
beating drums in
Apple draws a
harmonica from his pack. ‘I bought it
new at Barnes and Noble attached to a How-To-Play book at the same time I let
my beard go. Listen.’ He wants to honor
the rich hobo tradition of music, despite one-hour practice on the cement car
across the
It’s bad but it’s
free. While Apple blows, Pronto sketches
the RR yard and salient features- bridge, mission, Starbucks, and our catchout platform- details that will blur in memory after a
hundred similar division towns, into a small spiral notebook. This record shall be a treasure and timesaver
that every early sharp tramp keeps until, like the network of lines on an old ‘bo’s face, they become firm in recall.
‘Train Whistle’ ends
and, hearing no requests for more rail songs from Barnes and Noble, Apple
disposes his harp and frowns into the sunshine. ‘Last night I hit rock
bottom.’
We brace for a
certain-to-come revelation. ‘The cardboard bed after bucking the rails across
the desert made me think while laying there shivering after we missed the
freight. This metaphorically is my fire walking experience. I’ve just walked on
hobo fire and now I can go into the world and do anything.’ Apple lifts his
head. ‘I can do anything!’
I tell the duo about
Todd ‘Adman’ Waters, the millionaire
Pronto nods grimly.
‘A Nobel Prize winner once proved a cell grows or alters after it goes through
a period of vulnerability, and it was called the ‘Rock-bottom Theory’. After
you hit rock-bottom you acquirer the strength and confidence to grow and
advance in any endeavor.’
Waiting and patience
are also large wedges of the hobo pie.
We perch on the concrete pad for hours.
At long last, an
eastbound train slides in and parks on the mainline before us. It’s a stretchy
‘unit freight’ of all the same gondolas hauling the same goods: a mystery. We
leave our packs and step from the concrete platform to the nearest car. ‘What do these plaques mean?’ asks Apple,
pointing at 2’-square signs up-and-down the line repeating in bold black:
Warning- Hazardous Materials!’
I mount the ladder
and gaze down at tons of what appears and smells to be dry fertilizer. So
simple to spread a tarp and ride the stinky cushion. Instead, I announce down,
‘This load falls under the authority of chemical spill expert Pronto.’ He scales the ladder, glances and states, ‘No
good. It’s shit! It’ll blow in our eyes, and heat under the sun to produce
gases. I’ll pass.’
Curious Apple climbs
up, pinches his nose and howls, ‘It’s manure!
And there are bugs and flies crawling in it. I'd rather miss my
flight.’ So, I’m out-muscled on the vote
again and we retire with hung chins to the passenger platform.
‘We need
intelligence,’ grumps Pronto after the manure train pulls out. He firmly knots his green bandana at the
throat, and leaves the fireman’s pack with us to more freely penetrate the yard
for facts. Twenty minutes later, our
radios bark, ‘A shack advises us to forsake the main and try the East make-up
yard one mile up the track. I’m on my way back for the pack.’ He arrives, adding hopefully, ‘Eastbounds depart twice-a-day.’
The forced march is
the foundation of hoboing as much as the riding. That, with hearty mission food and outdoor
air and bed, tone the shaggy subculture fit as community college athletes.
Walk, walk, you must walk to the main yard, climb strings to the right track,
‘frisk the drag’ to find a proper car, locate the jungle and rest until the
freight pulls out, or maybe catch it on the fly. All that under a 40-pound
pack. I used to take a jump rope
to skip inside the boxcars, but after the initial strenuous outings traded it
for a hammock. Hoboettes- female riders- especially
love the regimen and complementary ‘hobo diet’ of being trapped day and night
on a moving train with only what little they brought aboard.
We march the steel
ribbons under the bridge and toward the rising sun. I speed ahead of the others with my own
thoughts and faults. The illness plus last night’s miscalculations nip my heels
for a quarter-mile until my trance is torn free by a blast on the left from a
building door of rap music. I glance up protectively only to see a lady in a
tight red dress and a three-foot purple beehive hairdo jitterbug out the back
door. She tilts her head and utters,
‘Come to the party, darling tramp!’ She
has enough hair for a hayride, but I shake my head no! and hasten by. Fleet
footsteps by my partners catch me, and together we decide it was an
We trudge eastward
like cart-horses for thirty sweating minutes to the Last Chance Liquor Store.
The shack has named it as the landmark along the mainline next to the make-up
yard. We enter to buy juice, coffee and
milk- the execs are no boozers- and then exit to sip them against the warming
back store wall.
Across two mainlines
from us lies a bowl of some twenty tracks comprising the
The procedure when
one peels from the base camp is for the mates to wait patiently with their
radios on as the scout probes the yard with his off so it doesn’t tweak and
stir a worker. When Apple wants to talk,
he’ll buzz us. But today he returns on a lope in twenty minutes. ‘There was no
time to radio. The twelfth track over…They’re backing units onto our Denver
Man!’
We collect the gear and
hump into the yard, scale a couple car strings, and hike to the correct rail
where our freight sits in wait. Apple,
the youngest at twenty-five and strongest, hands us his pack and jogs to the
tail to engage a brakie, as Pronto and I turn toward
the head so that the team will soon evaluate the entire train. ‘Radios still on,’ I shout after him.
With no bulls about
and time on our hands, Pronto and I ‘frisk the drag’ walking the mile-freight
to select a ride. A boxcar is best in
ill weather, but today’s is perfect. We
stride past empty hoppers that would be energetic, but are seeking a container
or piggyback for a smoother, longer, faster haul. Thwarted, we finally focus on one battered
gondola at mid-train. It is a metal
shoebox on wheels with 5’-sides to cut the wind and see over. We spring up, over, and in. The floor is
clean of dirt with a few scraps of wood to sit on. In minutes, the
walkie-talkies ring in our pockets.
‘It’s going to
leave!’ pants Apple by radio. ‘I'm running!’
The brakes test now and the units rev.
‘Faster!’ Pronto screams into the mike. ‘Can you see me?’ huffs
Apple.
Closing swiftly at an
eighth-mile, we crane over the gondola to spot our sprinting pal. Pronto waves and shouts directly, ‘We see
you!’
The locos roar and
tug hard up front, the gondola shocks and it rolls. The scenario then becomes
an algebra problem, and this is what’s going through Apple’s mind, I’m
sure: Man running 12mph
is 1/8-mile from the
target accelerating away at 1/8-mph/second. Will Apple reach the gondola or miss it by
fingertips?... What I forgot to factor in is the
unplumbed depths of the man’s heart, and perhaps his fear of missing the train
and flight to
I stare hard down at
him and say evenly, ‘Apple, pick a ladder rung. Grab it.’ He latches and the train pulls him away, feet
dangling. ‘Now swing your feet up.’ They
purchase the bottom rung. Pronto exhales
and I rub my eyes.
We pull his arms over
the top. He flops with a heaving chest onto the metal floor, encircled by
smiling mid-husbands as over a newborn. ‘What a way to land a train!’ he
gasps. He had run for two months in