In tribute to Cannon, we're reviving the idea of "Nobody Asked Me, But ..." today with our observations on the market. We'll be happy if readers derive from our efforts even a small part of the amusement they would get from reading the master.

• The funniest moment of the day is when TV reporters talk live from the floor of the New York Stock Exchange about the action in Nasdaq stocks like Intel (INTC:Nasdaq), Oracle (ORCL:Nasdaq) and Microsoft (MSFT:Nasdaq).

• When preopen news reports call XYZ a "stock to watch," it's too late to buy or sell.

• All the million-dollar-a-year stock analysts are quitting Wall Street to become hedge fund traders, and all the hedge fund traders are quitting to become Internet entrepreneurs.

• Bata Lobagola, the African who wrote in his 1930 memoir that stampeding elephants often return by the same path, should have a statue built to him in San Jose, Calif., by tech investors who have figured out how not to get trampled.

• So many more companies beat earnings estimates by a penny than fall short by a penny that it makes us wonder why the ones that disappointed weren't able to massage the numbers.

• The price-earnings ratio, price-book ratio and all other value indicators have been signaling a decline since Dow 1000.

• If the market is down for a week, there will be a news story on a 90-year-old guru who predicts a 50% decline.

• One week after the market sets a high, news organizations will report that the percentage of optimism among investment advisers has climbed, while pessimism increases after a decline.

• Whenever we receive tickets to a sporting event from a broker, we double our scrutiny of the commissions we pay them.

• Sometimes it seems that the fixed-income announcement numbers get leaked a day in advance to the stock market but not to the bond market.

• We wish central banks would let us in on big economic numbers a day in advance, as they do for their counterparts abroad; we'd be sure to erect a Chinese wall and would never dream of trading on the info.

• If there is bad news for the fixed-income market, it will be announced the day before the long bond auction.

• Every important Fed official will get a job at or near some important government debt dealer within three months of announcing his resignation from the Fed.

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Readers are invited to email their favorite market proverbs and observations to us. The best contribution will be rewarded with a bottle of 1987 vintage wine.

Speculator's Scorecard # of Days Up (YTD) # of Days Down (YTD) # of Days in Latest Streak (winning or losing) % Change (YTD) Dow 13 14 Lost 1 -6.9 S&P 500 12 15 Lost 1 -3.9 Nasdaq 17 10 Lost 1 7.2 DAX 17 12 Won 3 9.9 Nikkei 16 11 Lost 1 4.1 Yen 12 16 Won 1 -6.0 Euro 14 15 Lost 1 -1.9 Gold 16 13 Won 2 8.0 Oil 16 10 Won 1 16 Bond 15 12 Lost 1 2.9 Bund 14 15 Lost 2 -0.9

Laurel Kenner is a former markets editor at Bloomberg, and a trader. Former hedge fund manager Victor Niederhoffer is currently a private investor and author of Education of a Speculator. At time of publication, neither of them held any positions in the stocks mentioned, although positions can change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. While they cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, they invite you to comment on this column at mailto:%20commentarymail@thestreet.com.