Daily Speculations

The Web Site of Victor Niederhoffer and Laurel Kenner

Dedicated to the scientific method, free markets, ballyhoo deflation, value creation, and laughter. A forum for us to use our meager abilities to make the world of specinvestments a better place.



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Market Haiku

Fed Chair Testimony Q&A Haiku from George Zachar

Ben's dinner gaffe a
"lapse in judgment on my part".
He's learned his lesson.

Bernanke's banter
all "regular and formal"
from now on. Promise!

In Honour of Purim. Jewish Haiku from CALCOL

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.

Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.

Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.

The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.

Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.

Like a bonsai tree,
your terrible posture
at my dinner table.

Beyond Valium,
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.

Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.

The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.

Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.

Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.

Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: -- feh!

Left the door open
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Schlemiel. Schlimazel. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!

Quietly murmured
at Shabbat services:
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

A lovely earring, son,
excuse me while I swallow
a bottle of valium.

Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness

HPQ Haiku, by George Zachar


Rock star CEOs
have no shame. Welch to HP:
Give Carly more time!

She destroyed HP.
So why is Carly's last fan
famed Neutron Jack Welch?

'Tis hard to fathom
What binds tarnished CEOs.
Both crave jets and jewels?

Marriage number three.
Huge compensation scandal.
His book's called "Winning"?

A Shot Across the Bow, by an "Empirical" Speculator (M.S.)

market as energy transfer:
islands of convective updrafts from uneven heating of earth's surface
+ soaring pilot's task to remain aloft while shooting for the boomer thermals (gambler s ruin).
soaring champion Paul MacCready: an efficient ship with 1ft/min sink rate would stay up all day, regardless of conditions.

A Little Haiku, by Tom Ryan

Bonds down, no bonds up
So much for the afternoon
Tricky, this market

[SPEC-LIST] two bond points

Saw this subject line
Thought it referred to George's
Typical profit

-- J.K., 5/4/2004


Sun Microsystems
As strong as long-bonds are weak
George's coup d'argent

-- Steve W, 4/2/2004

The Wall Street cliche
Rather be lucky than smart
Never was more true

-- George Z, 4/2/2004

Funny French phrases
Five point moves are not random
Patience rewarded

-- Brian H, 4/3/2004

From the field of play

Carry off the carry trade

Injury time-out

-- Steve W, 4/2/2004

Mr. X

O, Seppu-Ku no Mae Ni
If Shorting Stocks, When
Bad numbers Bring Big Up Bonds
Get Ready To Pay

Requiem For The Fanatics
Tests show all you "know"
To Be Laughably remote
From What Will Happen



A sun-baked Spec waxes poetic 

Disaster Thursday
al Quaeda on the attack
Friday big close up

Down four in a row
Up next day into the close
Bears run for cover

All traders need a little
But, please not too much


T.M. Ryan on S&P Lessons: (03/05/2004 18:24:59)

Now that trading for the week is done I better set the record straight before you guys get me in trouble with Pam. I have been misquoted, first, there is no sun baking going on here this week, it's been snowy, rainy and cold here all week as in 'damn it's only 50 outside'. Second I already bought the book, which is why I know its 42 bucks on amazon, and I bought another copy of prac spec on the two book deal to give away to a friend and to satisfy the rabbi before he forces laurel to set up the lemonade stand. Besides i have tremendous respect for james who I have been in contact with off and on past two years. I just want to know what the slow turtle thing is all about. Anyway I figure the other guys will get to the slow turtle before me, as my unread book stack is piling up, kind of like my trading losses on short sales ytd. Finally is it just me or did it seem like the market mistress had her black leather on and her whip out today. At least my day wasn't as bad as martha's. Yours truly, the soaking wet spec

The speculators were all playin'
Down at the local bar
The whole place was a rockin'
When the mistress got out of her car

She started dancin' all over the room
the guitar player got his chops
I had that feeling of doom
where the hell are my stops

Haven't ya heard all the news
My good trading buddy said
The employment got bad reviews
Jury said off with martha's head

And the mistress left with a bow
Before I knew it the song was done
My buddy said don't fret too late now
Marked to market you just lost a ton

Before you look at your account
And see all of that red ink
And before you start to count
better sit awhile and have another drink.


Soybean under the hood
Rooted in the universe
The romance is gone

-- Anonymous, 3/1/4



Like a waterfall
bonds drop a point in seconds
g.z. is short

-- S.W., 2/4/4

the pain is softened
by long gamma in euros
i am not dead yet

--G.Z., 2/6/4

even pete sampras
hits one off the frame sometimes
thinks G. as bonds rise

-- S.W., 2/4/4

the market "trades short"
shrugging off the strongish data
Japan buys, I sell.

-- G.Z., 2/6/4


bigger guns than me
fearlessly buy when i sell
it's no wonder, then
-- Nick, 2/22/4

mystery irks some
gives clues advice opinion
illusion, maybe

-- Nick, 2/22/4